We all have it; we all talk about it; complain about it; and most of the time we just embrace it as part of life. The holiday season is at our feet! Monday is the official start of the holiday season. People start taking leave from work, kids are off for school, we shop for food for Turkey Day, the sales flyers start pouring in the mailbox to promote Black Friday (like you really didn’t know it was coming) and your stress level starts to rise. You start thinking about all the people you have to buy Christmas presents for, the thought of going shopping during the Christmas season bristles the hairs on the back of your neck (in a good way or a bad way), party invitations start filling your inbox, your parents and in-laws start the great debate of whose house you will spend Thanksgiving and Christmas at. “But you went to HER parent’s house last year.”
So what do you do? I know a lot of you are saying you put your head down and push through and hope to make it to January slightly in tact with your sanity. I say no way! Let’s come up with a plan so that you can minimize the stress this year. Stress causes wrinkles, and creates cortisol (which makes you fat and gooey) you can’t enjoy the holidays because you are thinking of the 12 other things that need to be done so that everyone else enjoys themselves. ENOUGH!
You know stress is coming so let’s plan for it. Prepare against it. Avoid it!
Plan for it. If you cannot afford to buy your brothers, sisters, all their spawn, your mom, your dad, your in-laws and their spawn, your co-workers, your best friends, your best friends spawn and the neighbors gifts – THEN DON’T!! Let’s face it folks, our economy sucks. The last thing you need to be doing is racking up personal debt and credit card debt just so you can buy your brother’s three year old a gift. That is stupid; plain and simple. Not just because they the three year old has no clue as to what is going on (and they probably don’t need any more shit anyways) but because YOU CANNOT AFFORD IT. And do not let the fact that your brother’s wife thinks because you live in a nice house, or drive a nice car or don’t have children of your own that it is somehow your duty to buy their kid their every whim and wish.
Buy gifts that you can afford – don’t charge anything this holiday season. Or if you do charge something make sure it is on a six month same as cash plan and arrange a payment plan in your budget to pay it off in that allotted time.
I am not buying anyone, besides my kids and my husband, presents this year. I know at first the thought of that comes across as un-Christmas-spirit like, but think about it. Who all did you buy gifts for last year? Can you remember what you bought them? Can THEY remember what you bought them? In most cases probably not. It’s just STUFF, and it’s stuff you have to PAY for. And if you don’t have the money than it is foolish. What is more foolish is stressing how you will pay that enormous credit card bill when the holidays are over. Plan ahead and avoid it!
Prepare for it. Does going to your in-laws or to your mom’s create a tad bit of anxiety? Here my story for you – if you know me personally then you know my mom is a diagnosed, however untreated bipolar. My step-father chooses to let her antics run ramped and every year (hell every month) she gets worse. My mom’s personal favorite attack against me is I am a thief. Every time I step foot in her house I steal something. Now around Christmas time it is always her Christmas decor. This has become somewhat of a “boiling point” moment for me. I can proudly say I have NEVER stolen anything in my entire life and I certainly wouldn’t steal from the person who gave me life. We’d visit and celebrate Christmas, exchange gifts, smile and nod at her awful cookies then leave. A day or two later I’d get a call where she simply states something is “missing”. She doesn’t accuse me of it, just states “it’s missing.” Then she does her sneaky trick where she calls my cell phone when she knows I won’t answer and leaves me a voicemail about how she knows I took it and goes on and on. If you would ever like to see me with “feathers ruffled” this is the time. Now I have tried to explain and rationalize to her for many years that I wouldn’t and haven’t stolen from her but because of her untreated bipolar it always falls on deaf ears. So to cure this problem I don’t go to my mother’s house; especially when she has her Christmas decorations out.
That is ME preparing for it. Which ties into AVOID it. Now not everyone has such an extreme case as mine. Some it is just that sister-in-law that points out you “gained a few pounds since last she saw you” or “your new hair cut is interesting”. Snide remarks that’s sole purpose is to make you feel bad. Maybe your husband says she doesn’t mean anything by it, and his advice is just ignore her. Well these remarks are probably meant and it is near impossible to ignore. Perhaps avoiding the trip is not possible, but limiting your exposure to it is. Set boundaries. We are only going for “x” amount of hours – and also growing a backbone and sticking up for yourself. For example, if sister-in-law or mom says “oh that’s an interesting hair cut” You could say, thank you, I am trying something new and your brother/son loves the look and he’s the only one I have to please. Or if they say “you’ve put on a few pounds since last I saw you” You can reply with yes, I have but I am doing a Holiday Challenge to better my health so you won’t mind that I don’t eat any of your cookies, right? You wouldn’t try and sabotage me trying to obtain better health.
OK, so now I have gone over some of the more extreme stressors that maybe don’t apply to you. But what about multi-tasking? Every mom I know takes pride in her ability to multi-task. And being able to hold the baby and cook dinner is great. But what about these multi-tasks? Facebooking while holding a conversation; texting and driving; checking email while having dinner with your family? Multi-tasking is a good skill but when it comes down to you accomplishing three tasks half-assed or one task correctly it’s time to re-evaluate. You can read these three “multi-tasks” I listed and say to yourself that is super rude – but honestly you’re probably guilty of doing it. QUIT IT. One task at a time. You will feel much better when you have had dinner with your husband and/or family and was able to look them each in the eye, ask about their day, laugh and joke with each other. You will feel much better if you have lunch with your friend and are able to catch up and laugh and smile than if you were facebooking about the entire adventure while it was happening. Sometimes you just need to unplug.
Grocery shopping. If you eat REAL FOOD then you have to go grocery shopping frequently. And this can stress you out if you don’t add it to your schedule. You know it needs done so schedule it into your daily activities. That way you aren’t sitting at home wondering what everyone is going to eat and risk getting so hungry that you end up giving in and ordering junk (pizza, Chinese, etc).
There is no need to cook a five course meal. Keep it simple. The best approach is to cook enough meat on Sunday to last the week and just cook up veggies or sides during the week when time is short.
And last but not least – take a nap or a recharge. Turn your phone off, get off the laptop and reflect. Sometimes a problem pops up and it may seem like world will come to an end right then and there. However, there is always a solution. You may just need to quiet all the external noise for awhile to figure it out. Have you ever had a fight with a friend and then went to bed and in the morning you felt silly? When stress levels are high it is not a good time to make decisions. Sometimes sitting down in a nice quiet place and de-stressing, reflecting and recharging your “inner battery” is the only fix. Allow yourself that privilege.
I think I have covered all the stresses of the holiday. If I missed one – please send me a comment! Happy Holidays =)
