Identity Crisis

I am personally facing a parenting hurdle of helping my daughters’ define who they are while not putting other girls down. Being a vigilant mother of daughters is not for the faint of heart…but truly parenting in general isn’t. Trying to help the girls wade through and giving them the freedom to pick and choose pieces of their identity to their prerogative and privilege….ya know, first world problems, is hard. 

 One day we want purple hair to be different and weird, only to quickly realize that being weird is easy and anyone can be weird. What she truly wanted was creativity. And quickly complained daily that the purple wasn’t washing out fast enough… I want my daughters to know that to be defined as a truly awesome person your virtues cannot come from your jean size, the length of your hair, the shoe brand you sport or your fuckability measurement according to the masses. 

People obsessed with these and like traits act as if dressing, primping, shopping, dieting, etc. “well” is a virtue…sometimes this “well” is the only quality they have…..oh see there I go with the shaming…shame on me. Perhaps being “fairest of them all” isn’t their prerogative? What if their time and energy is spent being the smartest, strongest, fastest, or most creative amongst their peers….does their appearances have to be the epicenter of their identity first? “She’s so pretty….and talented”…..if she wasn’t pretty would her talent be noticed? Of course it would….but would it be a double edged sword? Would someone say “it’s a good thing she’s talented cause she isn’t pretty.”…of course someone would, there is always one asshole in the group. And herein lies the wading through this facet that for a woman, pretty is best. 

 I don’t want their self-esteem to ride on some fuckable scale that those around them have contrived. Because never forget it is a sliding, unattainable scale. How do you take an incident like Miley Cyrus’ viral twerking and the “slut shaming” that ensued? Do you jump on the band wagon and call her a slut? Do you use the less take a stand path and say it was “inappropriate”? It is hard to draw a line in the sand and take a side against sexualizing girls but not having an issue with women having sex. I didn’t hear much clamored about Robin Thicke’s actions that same night and he is a married man.

 How do you empower a woman who cuts off her hair? Well you don’t…it’s not up to me to empower her; it’s also not up to me to call her a dyke or a feminist. It’s not my business to call a woman who chooses not to wear make-up ugly or a woman who chose to fight as a career crazy. It’s none of my business….and it is none of yours. 

This rabid materialistic attitude will chew you up and spit you out, especially if you are a girl! I am not trying to cry for equal rights, or bang the table and burn my bra…..I’m just trying to raise two women to be independent, self-assured, USEFUL people. I don’t need an Ariel who wanted a man so bad she gave up her voice, or a Snow White or Cinderella who’s only gift was cleaning and looking lovely, or a Mouseketeer or a Hannah Montana so thank you Disney….but I got this. At least I hope I got this. 

What was this rant about??? Hell if I know, but lucky for you it is over.

More is more and less sucks

Ray is in New Mexico this week for work, it's been a strange change of dynamics here at home while he is gone. Although I can fair just fine on my own, and there have been aspects of this week that have been nice....I get to pick all the movies we watch and none of them had chainsaws, zombies, or explosions...some stuff just down right sucks!  

I hate sleeping alone. I mean really hate it. I hate not enjoying coffee together, not having someone put tooth paste on my brush for me, warm hugs and I feckin hate parenting alone.

We have good kids....like really great.  But there are those instances when I look in their rooms and see that they can't keep up with their stuff and for the umpteenth time have to ask them to pick up, tidy up, red up, wipe off, scrub down, throw out their stuff that I wonder if they will be affected by more is more and less sucks syndrome. 

You see I have just the right amount of sports bras to get me through my week's workouts. I keep track of these bitches like my life depends on it.  And when I look around my living room and see a bra, a tank top, three (not four) random socks I start to wonder where I went wrong that THIS is ok.  I don't remember when we were building the house scoping out the living room and thinking Rachel's socks would look perfect right there! Or when I bought my office desk that it would be a great place for jackets, jujitsu belts, stinky knee pads and low and behold more feckin socks. 

Notice the abundance of crap...oh yea, and a swing.....in her bedroom.

Combine this with the fact that their laundry basket is over flowing, there are more clothes randomly strewn on the floor and you start to wonder.  I do my laundry cause it literally means being clothed or not. They apparently have enough clothes to never do laundry. 

And of course the only person to blame for this atrocity is moi.

 I can actually recall spending money for pretty baby girl outfits for Sydney when she was a baby that I should have been saving for the rent or gas.  Guilty as charged. When I was growing up with a single mom our budget was tight and clothes were an extravagant expense. I still treat my own needs with this mind set but somehow I can't seem to say no to myself or my daughters when it comes to them.

As Christmas looms down on us I start trying to think of what to buy them.  They need nothing....literally nothing. Creative ideas of trips or concerts have been suggested by friends. Great ideas but actually implementing them is a logistical nightmare. Trying to travel with two four legged kids is near impossible and going to a concert that they would enjoy would cause post traumatic stress disorder for me.  Adopting a family for Christmas comes to mind but are there truly anyone who NEEDS stuff in this area or do they just THINK they need stuff? Most of the folks I know who aren't employed are on some sort of welfare and if they manage their p's and q's appropriately they can buy what they need. If they don't it's a "first world problem". Not a Ross problem. 

Ray and I have great kids....really great kids.  They are both in accelerated programs at school, they have kind hearts, they are polite, they are not self centric, they play instruments, play sports, neither of them is boy crazy and they aren't sneaky. They each have some friends that I think holy shit....tuck your daddy issues in honey, or wow your mom is really imposing her body image issues on you already or you sneaky little lying fuck.  And I have to smile smugly....but I am vigilant that the "more is more and less sucks" demon has a firm grip on Ray and I (yes, I'm dragging Ray down with me) and I don't want to impose him on the girls. 

So what will we do for Christmas this year? It has yet to be decided!

Back to blogging

I retired from personal training about 10 months ago. Nothing “tragic” happened, I just wanted to try some new things out, I was tired of every conversation I had being about food, or exercise, or minerals. Then I realized I didn’t have much to say about anything if it didn’t have to do with food, exercise or the like. So I just started listening. What a wonderful skill this is!! I learned a lot from my co-workers, I work with some of the smartest people – like Mensa smart. I learned a lot of random stuff and I took the opportunity to read a lot of books that normally my time would have been spent on reading fitness and nutrition books. I took a break from FaceBook – it was a much needed internet break. You really don’t realize how addicted you become to the Internet until that moment you are on a date with your gorgeous, loving husband and the two of you spend more time playing with your phone than interacting….date fail! 

 I unliked all the pages on FB that were about motivating you to exercise, or eat this or that – I just didn’t and still don’t have an interest in it. Yes, I want to be healthy and fit into my jeans (or more importantly all my suits for work….them shits expensive!) – being healthy is not WHO I am. I don’t give advice any longer – unless you are my kids, then you can expect it all the time and at the most random moments….like I care that you have friends over? I do like to write, it helps me work through my thought process – if that randomness strikes a fancy to you – whether for the humor or so you know you aren’t the only one out there…so be it. I’m not writing to motivate anyone, help guide someone to a better life or even talk you out of anything (or into it for that matter). 

 When I started this blog it was called I am Paleo….I am not Paleo – I am me, l ate Paleo for a while – I don’t anymore – The Paleo Baby Jesus would cringe at my food choices…..I eat all the things…ALL THE THINGS. Then I changed it to Carbphobia....I don’t have carbphobia anymore – if you are looking for validation in a low carb or Paleo lifestyle you will not find it here. I wrote a book, “The Glucometer”. I am still very passionate about the glucometer as a tool to use as an eating guide if you need to lose weight or are trying to find a healthier lifestyle. I don’t feel as hell bent anymore that your choices have to be low carb though….so that book, “according to A.M. Ross” needs a 2nd generation and again if you are looking for low carb/carb free/keto/paleo validation….I’m not going to be able to provide that. 

 I recently took up distance running at the challenge of my bootcamp buddy to run a few races with her. Surprisingly, I am really enjoying distance running – more so than short distances (less than 3 miles). It gives you a chance to have some really interesting talks with yourself, really dig deep and talk GOOD to yourself and find what will motivate you to move forward. I have found when I am running if I start thinking about something antagonistic I slow way the feck down. So I do not allow myself to think about stupid shit while I run. I’m not a fast runner by any stretch. On a good day I can average a 8:45 a mile pace – on a really long run (so far that is 9 miles) I am averaging a 9:50 pace (no, I can’t just round up and say 10 miles…it was 9:50 damn it!)

 My first race was the Marine Corps Crossroads 4 miler. Here is a picture of me. 

 I was issued my bootcamp buddy, Ferguson, on 25 May 1998 and have loved her ever since. She was my companion through 13 weeks of Marine Corps bootcamp and we have stayed in touch ever since. I’ve had her longer than my hubby =). I completed it in 34:30. There were some good hills in this run, but for the most part it was an easy run, for every uphill there was an equivalent downhill. There were only about 444 racers so it wasn’t packed, the weather was wonderful, a bit brisk but once you got running it was perfect. 

 I am now training for the Navesink 15K on the Jersey Shore in December. I ran my first 9.11 miles on Monday and I lived! Took me 1:30 to run 9.11, I am in the hunt for a good pair of running shoes. I have a new pair of Altra’s heading my way on Monday and I am hoping they give me the nice wide toe box I love, cushion for my foot that is still naggy (I broke it in May) and support for my over pronation. I’ve had somewhat of shoe drama over the last few months, ever since I rolled my ankle, tore up the ligaments and stress fractured the foot bone. I knew before I hurt my foot that the shoes I was wearing, NB Minimus, weren’t providing enough cushion and I was having pain and I could feel the heat of the pavement through the shoe. Once I hurt my foot I decided I definitely had to try something else….hey, I never said I was smart.

 I started running in the Altra Trail shoes I had and they provided me with the wide toe box, and cushion I needed but the sole was too aggressive for running long distances on pavement. I got another pair of Altra’s – I think “the One” and they are great. Light weight, cushion, wide toe box but my ITB is hurting and that tells me I need more arch support. So the Altra Trails for trail runs, the One for short runs (less than 4) and hopefully the new ones for the long runs. 

 See….shoe drama. 

 I’m only going to bring up food in context of weight gain/loss/maintain in this brief statement. I’m active – very active. My husband and daughters and I made a running streak pact for 90 days. We will all run at least a mile, every day for 90 days (today is day 20). I am still lifting – I deadlifted 225#s for reps on Sunday, Front Squatted 150#s, Pressed 135#s…I run a good bit now – every day. I do pull-ups, I do sit-ups. I eat….I eat a lot. Like a lot, a lot so that I can run and lift likes this. The days I don’t eat a lot the next day I run like shit and am tired and moody (ok…I’m not just moody, I’m an impossible bitch). I like to eat, I like to lift, I like to run. I eat, I am able to run and lift. I run and lift I look good naked. Nuf said. 

 OK, so that is my long winded….I’m back to blogging =)