Not naive...open minded.

A few things that got brought to my attention after my last post that I'd like to clarify.....I’m not here to change the world….I’m working on myself. I used to think that I could change every person I came into contact with…now I realize I can only control myself, and my reactions to others. And keep an open mind.

I don’t want to change that black man who walks into the room and the first thing he thinks about is his color. Why do I need to? Why does he need to? I am sure he is proud of his color. What I want to change about myself, and raise my daughters to do…and if I’m lucky…bring it to someone else’s attention, is that being different is GOOD. Celebrate differences. If we were all the same – life would…suck. What I want my daughters…and for myself….is to determine if a person is someone we want to spend time with based on their personality, intellect and talents. If we want to further know someone based on these attributes, not the color of their skin, their gender, their hair color, their jean size, their jean brand or their sexual orientation.

Discrimination doesn’t just come in color or gender – it is largely social too. People can base whether they friend you on if you live in the right house; your parents (or you) have the right job; youmake the right amount of money; buy the right clothes; and have the latest styles and fashions. This is particularly sad to me.....and oh so shallow.

I was asked if I have ever felt discriminated against in my job. I think the presumed answer was going to be no, because I am a white female that has above average aesthetics I’ve been to college and served in the military. But the answer is hell yes!! I work with a population of largely 45-65 year old men, of all races, who have retired from a branch of the service and were generally officers. I just hit 35 this year and I have been in this civilian job for the last 7.5 years. From the get go I was dismissed by certain folks because I am young, because I am a woman, because I am attractive, because I didn’t retire from the military, and sometimes even because I was enlisted. The fact that I was a Sergeant that served “only” eight years in the Marine Corps has become my “dirty” secret. And it is largely thought that I got my current position because I am an attractive female. I was even told that once at a conference. And let me tell you…sometimes being told you are “pretty” is an insult. Nothing takes the wind out of your sails like someone telling you that you are unqualified because of your birth year and ownership of a vagina. I wanted to put on a parka and wipe all the make-up off my face and be an invisible, ugly person. For a long time it really made me think…way too hard….about what I was going to wear to work, who I was going to be seeing that day, if they would take me more seriously if I had a pants suit on vice a dress. If I wore my hair up versus down did it make me look to young if it was styled this way or that. I eventually….and it took way too long to come to this conclusion….realized that these issues were THEIRS, not mine.

 I WAS hired because I was young, my boss got tired of hiring folks who were coming into the profession with a “I’m retired, I just don’t want to move to Florida and die yet” attitude. He wanted someone who had some passion and spunk, and hadn’t been beaten down by politics yet; had faith and hope that the world could change!

Is it the same as being racial discriminated against? Feck no, I’m not trying to compare it. That wasn’t the point of my previous post either. My point is BEING DIFFERENT IS GOOD!

Like I said I will NEVER change the world…I can change myself, and I continuously try to. I can “attempt” to raise my daughters to the best of my abilities with the knowledge that I have now.

Going from one extreme of hatred to tippy toeing around a race or gender is not going to fix the problem. It will only exacerbate it. And I would personally think this would be insulting to someone. It’s hard for me to even say how I feel about my personal situation - I got hired over someone that was retired with more experience because of being young, will it ever be seen that I got the job because I would have more longevity, passion and ability to go further in the career position? No, it will always be contrived based on being a young, attractive female.

 

How can we fix it? Well we can’t, I can’t. We can only worry about what WE do as a person in charge of our own actions. I know I will not look at a man who is homosexual and ass-u-me that he is weak because he has on female clothing or his gait is not that of a heterosexual man. I know I will not look at a Mexican woman and ass-u-me that she is stupid because she may not understand English. I will not meet a 20-year old intern and automatically ass-u-me that they don’t have valuable feedback or perspective just because they are “only 20”. The list goes on and on my friends. This reminds me of the meme that a fish isn’t stupid just because it cannot climb a tree. (Am I killing you with the meme's yet?)

Embrace being different, recognize that there are going to be folks who are NOT going to embrace your difference and that is NOT your problem. Love YOU, be good to you; work on being a better you – whether that is reading more books, traveling more (travel is one sure what to kill bigotry) 

or just stopping and talking to someone you normally wouldn’t. Be open minded – I didn’t say naïve…just open minded.