Slobber Worthy...a local review

Slobber is such a gross word. It’s gross when you do it….but oh man when you slobber it’s because something is THAT good.

As I train for the Metro Dash I am pushing myself a little further, training a bit harder than I anticipate the Dash to be. I want to be prepared – I want to blow through this effin’ thing! Booya! (9 July at 1330 in DC if you are around come scream for me)

But training harder also means I am much sorer. Now I blogged before about the Asians at the Mall that give a great massage but with few detail; when I tell people that I get my massages at the Mall I get a cockeyed look. They say you are supposed to buy shoes at the Mall, Ang, or maybe CDs, not get rubbed on. But they are THE best massage therapists I have ever been too.

They don’t require you to join anything, they don’t want my email address, they don’t have me fill out a medical questionnaire, they don’t ask if I am on any medication…hell they don’t even ask my name…..and if you want to get right down to it they don’t speak English…at least not well enough to hold a conversation. It’s best just to point to the sore places and have at it.

I tried Massage Envy and haaa-tiddit. I spent 20 minutes filling out paperwork, waited another 20 minutes for my “therapist”, waited in the room for 10 minutes til she came in only to argue about me leaving my clothes on….I don’t know it must be the cop’s wife in me…but I am not going to get naked anywhere in public….what if someone comes in to rob the place? Am I supposed to run out the back door or fight someone naked?

Besides if you are going to rub on my glutes I want more than a sheet between my butt crack and your hand.

90 minutes later I am trying to pay the $49 for the crappy massage I got…I think she was irritated I wouldn’t take off my panties…but now I am wasting another 20 minutes arguing that I don’t want to join the “one massage a month for $49.99 plus tax club”…it’s a really good deal she insisted....roll eyes. I left more irritated than when I went in.

So back to the Mall – my girl’s name is Moon, she is fan-fuk-ing-tas-tic. I point to what hurts, she lays me down, she has a great smile she flashes constantly and she says thank you a few dozen times – then she's off to work. Now I’ve tried to have Ray give me a massage at home before and I point and tell him where it hurts and he says here, here? No, no, over….don’t you feel a knot? His response, Nope feels fine. With Moon she starts working on my muscles and I feel her hit a spot that is tender and all the sudden she her hands stop traveling and she starts kneading the shit out of it. I almost can’t breathe while she manipulates and maneuvers that knot into a muscle slushy. The best part?! I’m slobbering. I know, it’s SO gross – I am literally drooling right onto the floor. It’s THAT good.

So if you are anywhere near the St. Charles Town Mall in Waldorf, MD go see Moon at Natural Relaxation Center. You’ll drop $30 for the best 30 minutes of your life. You will thank me. If she isn’t there then make sure you get one of the other females, every time I’ve gotten one of the guys it isn’t as good. Sorry, I’m not being a dick…it’s just not slobber worthy.