White Power

That title got your attention didn’t it? Yeah, it got mine too.

All men are created equal with the right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. These are famous words. These are true words; there should be a disclaimer on the backside of this quote that states “however men will self-deny their ability to exercise these rights.”

My best friend, Dewaine, said to me once, “being a black man is foremost in my mind at all times. “ And I told him that was crazy, he said you aren’t black. Dewaine is the most intelligent person I know. He is a scholar with a debatable, calculating and tactful mind. He is also intimately knowledgeable about many, many cultures. Unlike Dewaine I have no desire to visit other countries. I really, really love the U.S. and would be devastated if I got stuck in customs with pot in my backpack and ended up in a Turkish prison with a pig as a companion. Or worse lost my passport and an evil foreign doctor harvested my organs. I’m okay in the Nation’s Captiol….and honestly…shhhh, don’t tell Ray, but if I had it my way I’d build a building of cinder blocks on my dad’s garage lot and torture high school kids who paid me their allowance by making them flip tires, pull trucks and push sleds in Altoona, PA. I want simple things from life. I cannot stand drama - if I get a whiff the only thing you will see is my tail end – but you better look fast cause I can sprint quick!

Recently I had a taste of drama that put me in a very awkward position – I had a choice of staying quiet or speaking my mind and I stayed quiet – which is very unlike me and it unsettled me. The Marine Corps taught me that silence is consent; that you don’t bitch without proposing a solution.

But in this situation I am going against my grain. I stayed silent. I had no solution. Errrrr……

Scenario: My husband has two brother’s and a sister; his only brother that gives a shit about him; would kill and hide bodies with him; would give him the shirt off his back; would drive 16 hours to stand beside him while he had heart surgery; would take the fall when a 16-year old Ray did stupid shit; would drive 16 hours to hang dry wall and work like a dog for 72 hours straight and then drive back another 16 hours…you are getting the point. Well he pulls up to our home with a “White Power” sticker across the front windshield of his monster truck.

Oy vey.

This was a confusing experience for me – I don’t consider myself “white” or Caucasian. Caucasus is a mountainous region in southeastern Europe that lies between the Black and Caspian seas. Ummm yeah, I’ve never been there so how am I supposed to claim Caucasian – I’m pretty sure my ancestors weren’t there either. From what I can gather my family comes from poor farmers – and hell I’m Paleo – I don’t want to claim that shit!

Asian is for people that are from the Asian continents, Pacific-Islander for our Pacific born friends, Hispanic is a stretch these days but I still get it, Africa….well I don’t know any black people from Africa all the black people I know come from the Carolina’s, or Philly, or Louisiana, or California….The race I claim is American. My family could not ever give me a solid answer on where my ancestors came from – and to be honest I don’t know anything about Ireland, and I’d be ashamed to claim France or Germany. So American it is.

I can tell you that I am not an idiot and that having “White Power” written on your vehicle is going to offend a lot of people.

I wasn’t exactly sure how to address this, so like most things I didn’t give myself enough time to ponder and things were said, feelings were hurt between Ray and I.

I chose to be silent with my brother-in-law and let Ray handle it and it bothered me that I didn’t get a chance to spout off at the mouth. But I did spout off to my husband and I shouldn’t have.

Here is why:

I know he isn't a White Supremacist. I think he is a knucklehead and very ignorant. He is not intentionally a malicious person and I don’t think he is racist – I think he pretty much feels equally shitty about everyone (right or wrong).

The situation reminds me of the fable of the old man with the long beard who refuses to keep it groomed. Over the years it collects all kinds of debris and food to the point the old man smells nothing but rotten air all the time. He thinks a beautiful rose garden in blooms stinks, lush orange blossoms reek, and even freshly brewed coffee, limes, mimosas and freesia have a horrible stench! He walks around miserable and blaming everything for stinking up HIS air. Then one day he decides to clean up his beard and realizes he was his own stink! I know I am smearing this story (Leadership Freak tells it best!). But it’s relevant – if you can look past your own insecurities, admit when you don’t know the answer and identify your fears your own stink isn’t so stank….and you stop stinking up everyone else’s air.

You’ll never be excellent if you take the approach that you already know it all. We all have monsters and the first step to conquering your fear of these monsters is admitting you have them. One of my biggest monsters is not having something to say about an issue. Like this instance with my bil. I need to accept that sometimes I am not going to have a clear position on an issue. That being undecided is okay. At first I was furious over this situation and I couldn’t say what I had on my mind and to be honest what I was thinking seemed like bullshit reasons: what will my neighbors think, if my friend Crystal was here how would she feel, it takes a lifetime to develop trust and a four-day trip from the in-laws to ruin it. But in the end me cutting my bil down didn’t make me any better than him plastering “White Power” on the front of his truck. But in the same sentence I am not going to be able to educate him to see that he is wrong – this again is a self-realization that he will have to realize he is his own stink.

Me, being the stink in the situation with Ray, caused him to feel really bad about himself, about his place in our marriage. Because my family has done some really rotten things to him and he has never told me that they are not welcome in our house. Sometimes even when the situation is really awkward and embarrassing from an outside view, the view from inside still is he drove 16 hours to stand beside my husband and me during the most frightening experience of our lives. His ignorance in prejudice doesn’t undue 35 years of being as good of a big brother as he can be with what he knows. And if he ever wants some guidance and not guilt about facing his monsters I can lend him an ear.