Identity Crisis

I am personally facing a parenting hurdle of helping my daughters’ define who they are while not putting other girls down. Being a vigilant mother of daughters is not for the faint of heart…but truly parenting in general isn’t. Trying to help the girls wade through and giving them the freedom to pick and choose pieces of their identity to their prerogative and privilege….ya know, first world problems, is hard. 

 One day we want purple hair to be different and weird, only to quickly realize that being weird is easy and anyone can be weird. What she truly wanted was creativity. And quickly complained daily that the purple wasn’t washing out fast enough… I want my daughters to know that to be defined as a truly awesome person your virtues cannot come from your jean size, the length of your hair, the shoe brand you sport or your fuckability measurement according to the masses. 

People obsessed with these and like traits act as if dressing, primping, shopping, dieting, etc. “well” is a virtue…sometimes this “well” is the only quality they have…..oh see there I go with the shaming…shame on me. Perhaps being “fairest of them all” isn’t their prerogative? What if their time and energy is spent being the smartest, strongest, fastest, or most creative amongst their peers….does their appearances have to be the epicenter of their identity first? “She’s so pretty….and talented”…..if she wasn’t pretty would her talent be noticed? Of course it would….but would it be a double edged sword? Would someone say “it’s a good thing she’s talented cause she isn’t pretty.”…of course someone would, there is always one asshole in the group. And herein lies the wading through this facet that for a woman, pretty is best. 

 I don’t want their self-esteem to ride on some fuckable scale that those around them have contrived. Because never forget it is a sliding, unattainable scale. How do you take an incident like Miley Cyrus’ viral twerking and the “slut shaming” that ensued? Do you jump on the band wagon and call her a slut? Do you use the less take a stand path and say it was “inappropriate”? It is hard to draw a line in the sand and take a side against sexualizing girls but not having an issue with women having sex. I didn’t hear much clamored about Robin Thicke’s actions that same night and he is a married man.

 How do you empower a woman who cuts off her hair? Well you don’t…it’s not up to me to empower her; it’s also not up to me to call her a dyke or a feminist. It’s not my business to call a woman who chooses not to wear make-up ugly or a woman who chose to fight as a career crazy. It’s none of my business….and it is none of yours. 

This rabid materialistic attitude will chew you up and spit you out, especially if you are a girl! I am not trying to cry for equal rights, or bang the table and burn my bra…..I’m just trying to raise two women to be independent, self-assured, USEFUL people. I don’t need an Ariel who wanted a man so bad she gave up her voice, or a Snow White or Cinderella who’s only gift was cleaning and looking lovely, or a Mouseketeer or a Hannah Montana so thank you Disney….but I got this. At least I hope I got this. 

What was this rant about??? Hell if I know, but lucky for you it is over.