Are you loyal to yourself?

I haven’t competed in anything in a while; my last competition was in 2008. It was a physical fitness competition and I had a great training partner, Crystal. It was a basic competition – box jumps, shuttle run, hang, stuff like that. Crystal and I trained religiously Monday- Friday – we did our normal power lifting exercises and then side by side we went through make-shift exercises similar to how I would compete when it was go-time.

The competition wasn’t what I was expecting – I didn’t feel like the other competitors trained well or brought their A-game. I took first place but I walked away feeling cheated of the victory. I know this seems crazy – I should have been pretty ecstatic – but it felt wrong and it didn’t feel satisfying.

I haven’t competed since. I have looked at other competitions, particularly Crossfit games – and I am intimidated. Yep, ME, intimidated. There are some serious athletes that compete in the Crossfit games and I am not sure I am up to that – but I don’t want to do another competition where I show up and I feel like I got cheated – especially when you pay to sign up for these things – seriously I have enough effing scratchy cotton t-shirts…I’m competing for “that feeling” nothing more and certainly nothing less.

I am doing the Metro Dash in a little more than a month (38 days to be exact)– I don’t have a training partner anymore, haven’t since October. Well Rowan and Ruger are usually in the gym with me – they like to lick my sweat from the floor and Ruger likes to try and jump on the treadmillwith me. Crystal is in Okinawa now and Ray works out with his fellow coppers at work.

I’ve considered signing up with the local Crossfit and went and worked out over there to check it out. What GREAT people! They have great unity and are very supportive of their athletes. It was a great vibe and even better - they have great equipment – but with the girls and Ray taking jiu jitsu, my work travel and let’s not forget the simple fact that I have spent a shit load of money to put a gym in my basement I am choosing to be my own coach.

This is difficult – there is no one to count my reps, there is no one to watch my form and there is no one there to keep me honest. Staying honest when you work out by yourself is really hard. When you feel like puking and the workout you’ve set out before you becomes overwhelming in the middle of it. When you are pushed out of your comfort zone…like waaaayyyy out of your comfort zone and your instinct is to get back in your zone – but you have to keep yourself out of that comfort zone so you can get better….but it’d be SO easy to cut reps, or take weight off the bar, maybe skip a sprint.

But I can’t; because I don’t want to show up at the Metro Dash and compete against someone and they win and walk away feeling like I cheated them out of a victory because I didn’t train hard enough.

I don’t want to show up at the Metro Dash and be defeated – I want to be in the top three female competitors. I’m going to compete – not give it a try I want THAT feeling.

I know that digging deep when it really matters ESPECIALLY when no one is watching is what defines my personality. I won’t cheat on my deadlift form just like I won’t cheat on my job. I won’t skip a sprint just like I won’t skip a difficult conversation with my daughters. I won’t take weight off the bar to make the workout easier just like I won’t dump my workload on a co-worker to make my work week easier. I won’t shorten the reps in a difficult HIIT just like I won’t shortcut homework time by doing the algebra for Sydney when SHE JUST WON’T GET IT…..even an hour later.

I am trustworthy, I am loyal, and I am dedicated to my husband, my daughters, my job, my diet and my workouts…..I hope my competitors at the Metro Dash are too.