That’s right – exercise will NOT make you skinny. Exercise makes you hungry. You want a rockin’ body? Get your diet in check. Yes, people I have the secret to a great tush and flat tummy!! It’s called become a carbo-phobic….yeah, yeah, I know your Aunt Sally told you that going low carb will destroy your kidneys – all those ketones in your pee will destroy your kidneys! Gasp! And how will you get calcium for strong bones? And you will never poop again – that’s how Bob Smytheburger died – from stomach cancer – because he went low carb, mmmhmmm it’s a fact. THEY say so.
80 percent of what you see in the mirror is what you are putting in your mouth. That’s the “no-shit truth” – that’s my dad’s favorite phrase =)
Before I convince you to be a carbo-phobic let me give you some basic re-brain wiring. First off whatever illusion you have of what your body should look like in your brain – hit delete. Why? Shouldn’t you keep this mental picture of you looking like Jamie Eason or Ryan Reynolds forefront in your mind for motivation? The answer is a strong, firm and resounding NO! Perfection is an illusion that will only set you up for failure – your goal should always be feeling good and striving for perfect health. Coincidentally YOUR great body will come along with that health. All models and actors do some extreme diet or exercise regime to prepare for a photo shoot or movie – it’s not a long term solution – and as much as I hate hearing the whole “genetics” thing – it does play a role. If you are destined to have an ass like J-Lo or hips like a volley ball player than no amount of dieting (outside of the extreme anorexia) will change that. Everyone has a different body shape – love yours. Make yourself strong and healthy and then accept that perfect is staring back at you in the mirror.
Sometimes doing less is more. Eating less won’t kill your metabolism. Moving less won’t make you fat. And sometimes you just want to sit on the couch and cruise the internet or watch a couple movies – this isn’t “bad” and it doesn’t mean you are lazy. I know so many people (me included) that have chased the illusive “perfect way to workout” – we’ve bought $100 vibrams when we should have paid $8 for some pool shoes from Wal-Mart and called it a day. It’s actually called “barefoot” running for an actual reason. Not $100 fancy toe mitten shoes that everyone will stop and harass you during workout to ask “Do they really work?” running.
And I am sooooo tired of hearing about all this “play” workout stuff. You can call me crazy, lazy or honest – but I love to lounge. I like cruising the internet on my couch, reading books, watching movies, taking naps and generally being still. When I work out my goal is to lift heavy ass weight to make my muscles pretty so I look good in a bikini. I also require myself to get my heart rate up so that my heart is strong and resilient so I can harass my kids when they have their own place (I so am going to leave sticky finger prints all over their microwave, leave wet towels and my dirty under ware on their bathroom floor and leave every light in their house on when I visit) – and my body and mind hate long distance running – so I do not fun stuff like burpees, sprints, box jumps, jump rope and whatever else I can come up with that gets the job done in a quick albeit painful fashion.
Ok, so we’ve scratched perfection and I’ve promoted that doing less is OK – so what about this whole carbo-phobia thing? Well I’ve written posts about this before in my blog….ehhemm – you can find it here: http://i-am-paleo.blogspot.com/2011/05/why-arent-you-asking-for-better-weight.html.
But the truth is calories in versus calories out is horse shit. Carbs cause your insulin to spike – insulin causes fat storage – yes, smart ass I am aware that protein causes insulin production – you should keep reading those cliff notes on insulin and you will learn that inuslin’s counter hormone is glucagon and glucagon moves fat out of stored tissue for fuel – and when you eat protein insulin AND glucagon are produced. When you eat carbs only the insulin is produced – which locks those carbs away as fat storage for later use as fuel – however, if you don’t have any glucagon production than the fat never gets out to be used – so your brain keeps crying for more glucose (because the whole starvation mode is real – but it doesn’t happen when you stop eating – it happens when you eat too many carbs!). So we get fatter and more puffy and most importantly more sick. This is the obvious explanation as to why if you are a vegetarian you are an idiot and you will be fatter than designed and you will eventually get sick. Don’t get mad at me – I didn’t design the human body.
I will end this post with one last food for thought: diet books and diet pills are designed to make money – if they actually worked then you would have no motivation to buy more - cause you'll notice there is always version 2- a new and improved version of the original. They are designed to fail – they are designed for the fat and confused – why not take a few minutes and learn the basics about your body and keep your money. If you added up every diet book and supplement or ab roller you’ve ever bought I bet you could have taken a vacation to Cancun and if you were a carbo-phobic I bet you’d look great in a bathing suit while you are there.
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