Relax! Stop being such an a$$h*le!

These were the words I uttered to my oldest daughter as I dropped her off at the bus stop. Yeah a pretty harsh way to start her day off…. agreed. To make matters worse I was headed to the airport to leave for Texas for a work trip. Sigh….my oldest daughter is hitting puberty and most days I feel like I brought her into this world I sure as hell should be able to eat her.

But I am not so sure puberty has anything to do with it. She has been like this for many years and my youngest is at an age where I can distinctly remember Sydney already acting like this. Rachel is fun, she is positive and full of life. People naturally gravitate towards her and love her immediately. Rachel dances to her own tune, we are in the grocery store and we all look over at her and she is dancing to some song in her head and you can’t help but laugh – when she sees that you have caught her she acts a little bashful but then breaks into a full goofy dance. No one can do the percolator better than Rach. Ha ha

Sydney rarely smiles, she can point out the worst in all of her classmates and she is somewhat a soloist. My oldest daughter is my reflection. She may look like her daddy but damn if she doesn’t acts like her momma. Intense, intimidating…and an all-around a$$h*le.

Parenting is hard - it's the hardest thing besides marriage that I have ever done. And in an attempt to always be a good role model for my daughters I took this realization as a slap to the face and I realize that I may need to change some of my ways to help my daughter adjust to life and be more content and happy. I asked my husband what exactly it is that makes me intense, what are the exact things I do that come across as intimidating…or as he likes to put it “dick mode”.

Well, he says…then he pauses, he laughs a little, shakes his head. I can tell he isn’t sure how to answer this without hurting my feelings….or worse, provoke my dick mode. “Sometimes when people are uncomfortable or are trying to explain something you stare at them too hard.” What? I STARE too hard. What does that even mean? “You make too much eye contact,” he says. Are you kidding me! You are SUPPOSED to make eye contact with someone you are talking or listening to it shows you are paying attention. “Easy, Ang.” OK, okay you are right, please explain further (dripping with sarcasm). “It’s the way you look at them, and NO not everyone makes eye contact with people they are talking to. And when someone is trying to tell you something or in a group you have this way of staring them down, and they don’t want to tell you the truth or tell you anything!”

Ok, ok, I’m tracking, I think….I can work on this. Don’t make eye contact. OK, never mind I can’t do that. How about make less eye contact? Not completely stare them down? Ummm how about I leave it at this, I’ll attempt to try this…no promises.

What else you got.

“Well you kind of point out people’s flaws…to their face.” Well you shouldn’t talk about people behind their back, that’s cowardly! Ray kind of shakes his head, laughs a little, looks down and then re-composes himself and says, “you’re not getting it – no one likes to hear how bad they are.” But how will they get better? I mean seriously maybe they are clueless and I need to fill them in, right? Maybe if I tell them what they are doing wrong they will have like an awwwuhhawwwawwa moment and unfuk themselves…right….maybe? OK, I can seriously work on this one! Say positive things. Check! Keep the negative to myself and curb the urge to correct.

OK, now we are improving.

What else you got.

“You know how when someone is talking to you and you are done listening and you just walk away or worse you tell them they are done?” Errr…yeah, I guess that one is pretty bad. I always feel a little bad after I do that, but not bad enough to stay and listen to their dribble. So how do I solve that one? “ Just smile.” Well hell I can do that…..”You can?” he asks. I kind of give him that are you kidding me look, and he says…………..

“You should smile more – you come across as emotionless, people don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t seem interested in them.” Sigh….I have to be interested to smile? “ And don’t stand so close to someone, especially when you are trying to make a point.” I’m kind of scratching my head at this point – am I really that bad? Hell I’m 5’5” and a 130#s it’s not like I’m stepping in to start a fight or use my “immense” size to intimidate. Is everyone so weak that I’M INTIMIDATING? Or is that everyone is that insecure about themselves? OK, OK, I recognize I am seriously getting off track.

Pffffttttt…………This sounds like more work than I anticipated……maybe I’ll just stick to my bacon and squats.

Ahhh, but I can’t! I have to set a good example, and after all I am raising strong independent women, not training Marines for combat…..So here is what I am going to do….I’m going to continue to eat Paleo and shred out my muscles, I’m going to continue to sprint so I can race like a panther, I’m going to continue to power lift so I am strong – because stronger people are more useful and generally less aggravating (ok, I know that was dick) – I’m going to smile more, I’m going to compliment things about others that I like out loud, and I’m going to ignore bad habits that have absolutely no effect on my life….and I may even break into a dance when that fun song plays in my head at the grocery store while I’m picking out my produce…..because after all life is too short not to laugh more.