Raising Independent Women

When meeting new people you talk about your family, you refer to your children as “your kids” or I usually refer to mine as “my girls”. I get asked, “You are raising girls?” and I always reply, “No, I’m raising strong, independent women.”

I don’t want little girls, girls who fuss over their hair, their nails, worry that jeans make them look fat or that they laughed too loud and people are staring…or worse….not getting dirty!

I am leading by example. I am always right beside my husband on our home improvement projects, carrying 70#s worth of tile over and over, mowing the lawn, pick axing holes in the ground for plants, holding one side of an auger…by the way, whomever invented that wicked machine should be shot for not making a reverse. Whatever he’s doing, I’m doing.

I’ve cut all my hair off to prove that it doesn’t define me. I am beautiful without my mane (although I do miss my long locks). I don’t jump on the scale – hell we don’t even have a scale. I don’t talk about having a big butt – hell a big butt means a better squat! My ass can have its own area code if I can ass to grass squat 205#s.

I have a career – not a job – but a career. I don’t look down on woman that their main job is child rearing – hell I know first-hand how hard it is to work fulltime and be a mom; I’d love to have just been a mom while the girls weren’t in school. But I wasn’t able to and in my opinion I think that a woman who has a career has a better knowledge of the world to pass on to their children; a woman with a career is also able to help carry the family finance load with the man. It takes two parents to have a baby and it takes two to raise them; both the mom and the dad should be home equally – a man who has to work all the time and is never home or available emotionally is no good for the kids or their wife. My mom and step-mom have been out of work for 17 (over 17 for my step-mom) years and I really don’t feel that they have any worldly advice to offer to my brother s and sisters; they are in essence children themselves. Both my dad and step-dad work from dusk til dawn to keep their families a float and when they are home they are exhausted – and unfocused – raising kids takes a lot of energy – energy working dusk til dawn won’t leave you. This, of course are extreme cases but it is relevant to mention as it is the case in a lot of families.

I’ve served my country – eight years in the gun club. And although it would break my heart if they came to me and said they were leaving for the military – I’d be damn proud and wear a “my daughter is a “Coastie, Marine, Airwoman, Soldier” every Saturday and Sunday.

I’m loud – and I’m not ashamed to take up space. My mom used to tell me little girls should be seen and not heard. Cross your legs so as to take up as little space as possible. Only eat 900 calories a day so as to stay petite. And I generally tried to stay quiet, I didn’t express my opinion and attempted to please everyone around me…oh and I lived on half a peanut butter sandwich and skim milk until I was about 25. I realized in my 20s that this was a total bullshit way to live. I started being animated when I spoke…I mean who isn’t paying attention when you are describing the fruit flies that have invaded your house when you are pretending to be a fruit fly! I speak up when I don’t like something – actually I could probably be a little bit more subdued when it comes to things I don’t like.

My daughters take jiu jitsu, they get hit in the face, they have “boy sweat” rubbed into their face, they get choked….well actually that doesn’t happen too often, they are really good! They know how to do an arm bar, and a sweep. I like that they get hit in the face – I want them to know pain – I want them to shake off pain.

No, I’m not raising my daughters to be manly – I’m raising them to be independent, strong and courageous. I’m raising them to be able to take care of themselves regardless of the situation. I’m raising them to be loud and vocal and take a stand for what they believe in and what they feel passionate about. To not be ashamed of what they believe in or to ask questions….that is the only way to learn. I’m teaching them to eat Paleo – so they are healthy and live healthy, happy lives. Cause in the end what defines YOU is who you are and what you do – so who are YOU what are YOU doing?